the painless dentist song lyrics – allan sherman

parody of “the continental (you kiss while you’re dancing)” by leo
reisman & his
orchestra, from the movie “the gay divorce”)
beautiful molars…
lovely bicuspids…
i’m dr. prentice, the painless dentist;
by that what’s meant is,
it really doesn’t hurt.
this is miss klinger; you’ve met her finger.
so open wide, and miss klinger will squirt.
well, well, i say there.
we’ve got decay there.
can’t let it stay there and cause you all that pain.
so please miss klinger, remove your finger,
and won’t you hand me down my novocaine.
it’s far worse than i thought it was;
my charge is gonna be large.
don’t be unwilling,
it’s just a filling,
i’m simply drilling to dig a little pit.
don’t fight miss klinger, or bite her finger
and now while i change the drill you can spit.
i hum while you’re bleeding;
it takes your mind off
the things i grind off.
your gums are receding;
you’ll have to come back,
we’ll build that gum back.
and now if you will open wide,
miss klinger’s gonna put her whole darn fist inside.
that’s it… now it’s over.
they’ll be a puffiness around your cheeks,
you’ll have to eat soft food for three more weeks,
and if you’ll kindly stop those ghastly shrieks,
i’m through.
beautiful molars…
lovely bicuspids…
by dr. prentice!

/ allan sherman lyrics