battle-warning weary winsome actor
spewing spineless chilling lines.
the critics falling over to tell themselves
he’s boring and really not an awful lot of fun.
well, who the h*ll can he be when
he’s never had v.d.,
and he doesn’t even sit on toilet seats?
he must be very cunning to *ssume
an air of dignity and
bless us all with his oratory prowess,
his lame-brained antics
and his jumping in the air.
and every night his act’s the same
and so it must be all
a game of chess he’s playing,
but you’re wrong, steve.
you see, it’s only solitaire.