i made the bigg times now lyrics – larry the cable guy

thank you!
appreciate it!
git-r-done! but it’s good to be here, i tell you.
when i come in here this evening and see my name out front in magic marker, boy i tell you what. daggone.
i made the big times now.
tears roll down my eyeb*lls.
i was wetter than a bus-load of fat woman on the way to see the ricky martin, i tell you what, i was…
that’s pretty happy right there, now.
haha-ha. i don’t care who you are, that’s pretty funny right there, now.
that’s right.

i apologize for my outfit, i just come from a wedding.
i had to take my dad, he can’t drive no more.
he’s a gynecologist, and, uh, he’s starting to get tunnel vision.
haha, that’s funny.
i don’t care who you are, that’s funny right there, now.
that’s funny right there.
that’d be a good job, gynecologist, now.
i’d be early for work every day at that job.

“why you going to work it’s three o’clock in the morning!”
“i know, i gotta get there.”

i used to date a girl that had one b**b bigger than the other b**b, and, uh, she got in a wet t-shirt contest, and, uh, come home with first and third place out there at the contest out there.
i tell you…
i tell you, i was so proud of my sister, i tell you what.
she’s uh… she’s a good girl, now, i tell you what.
i tell you what.
she felt a lump on her breast the other day, went to the doctor, and found out her wisdom b**bs is coming in there.
went out to take the pliers, pull them out, you know.

i don’t like the fake ones, do you like the fake ones?
i don’t like them.
if i had a dollar for every fake b**b i tongue-kissed last week, i’d have–well, i wouldn’t have any money or nothing, i’m just saying.
i don’t like the fake b**bs, you know?
i went out with this one girl, had one of them beauty marks like cindy crawford.
now that’s s*xy right there, now.
git-r-done, you know.
i get to kissin’ her, it was a tick!
oh, man.
ugh. i tell you, i had to burn it out with a lighter, you know, she… oh… she’s like,
“you’re singeing my beard!
you’re singeing my beard!”
you know?
i tell you what, i was madder than a skinhead watching the jeffersons, i tell you what.
i was–that’s funny.
i don’t care who you are, that’s funny right there, now.
yeah, but i shouldn’t–lord, i apologize for talking about the skinhead watching the jeffersons.
and be with the starving pygmies down there in new guinea. amen. that’s right.

/ larry the cable guy lyrics